random beauty and incomplete thoughts

my time away in a nutshell

Wed, 15 May 2013 07:03:10 -0400

I got a phone call my dad had been put in hospice care. Liver failure. A life time of drinking. He would be turning 72 on February 24. On the 19th I boarded the plane with my son at 11:20 am eastern standard time. Back in AZ at 9:20 AM my father took his last breath. My husband and daughter got on the plane a couple hour’s later. The trip was put together by friends and family because we could not pony the cost of flying and staying in Az at all. My ticket was one way. I planned on staying with my dad for as long as it took. Sit vigilance next to his death bed and keep a hawks eye on the nurses. I guess he didn’t want to be any trouble. The night before we left, just 16 hours before he died, I sat on the floor by my bed and cried. I bawled like a child. I held his hand in my minds eye. I could almost feel his frail hand and cool skin in my hand as I sat with him but still 3000 miles away.

We had his memorial on his birthday. February 24, 2013.

The next morning we came home. AZ was cold the whole time. My daughter had a flu and had gotten sick on the ride out. I became violently ill two days later.

After we got home I took the jeep to get fixed. It didn’t fix. Just sucked away any money we had.

Then my husband’s place of work shut it’s doors on April 1.

I thought we would be homeless by July.

My husband landed a short contract and we are trying to catch up the past bills.

My state license so I can practice and help save my family from this cascading disaster hinges on me paying several hundred bucks up front.

So I started up an etsy shop. I make bags from upcycled clothes and duffle bags and pendants made is sea glass wrapped by my homeless mom.

Life is hard. But I found a $20 Bill in the rain last Saturday so the universe has shifted. I am ready to make good of what is next. I am ready for this needed change.

FairiesFirstBite

Wed, 15 May 2013 06:38:26 -0400

FairiesFirstBite:

Please come see my shop. Pass on my link. Buy something for yourself or as a gift. I am using all proceeds to fund my CMT state license licensor massage. I come from a humble past but I dream to make a brighter future for my children.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/FairiesFirstBite It has been a long...

Sun, 12 May 2013 08:45:40 -0400

http://www.etsy.com/shop/FairiesFirstBite

It has been a long time and I have been busy. My father passed on and I am building bags in hope of a better future for my children.

Feel free to pass on the link of my etsy shop.

Love you all!

Miss you guys so much.

I promise to be around more now.

Leann

Life and living or death and after

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:12:00 -0500

Why do we wait until someone is nearly dead before we decide it’s time to visit them? Why do we wait for the last visit to tell them we love them or finally forgive them or whatever it is we think we need to say? Why don’t you call that person you haven’t seen or talked to in years and tell them just that right now, before they are sick, before they are too old, before it’s all over and you never get the chance.

I have spent my whole adult life trying to heal from an alcoholic father who never really approved of me and now his liver will be his death, and soon. I have known he was sick for over a year now, but hospice has been brought in. It’s not about me anymore. It’s about him finally finding some kind of something else because he was never happy here on earth and is still a mean old man. I hope I make it there in time to say good bye with my children but plane tickets are more than we have and my only car needs repairs that cost about half of the travel cost. I am so lost right now.

Why did I wait so long? Why didn’t I go back sooner? Why is this my first face to face with death? Why did I think I wouldn’t want to see him? Why do I feel my duty is to tend to him now? There is so much I don’t understand but I think I will be saying see you next time! This isn’t good bye.

Survived by...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 22:27:55 -0500

isn’t that what they call is when you die but family remains? Like ” he was survived by his five children.” I guess I should look it up because I will be writing an epitaph for the first time in my short life. It’s scary and sad and lonely.

"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head..."

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 19:23:48 -0500

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

- PLato’s Symposium

(via m-as-tu-vu, itsallbeendone) (via iwanttobeafirefly) (via hammer-2-anvil) (via southerngirlk) (via raw-sensual-passion)

alwaysacatch: Firefly | This is the entire show in one perfect...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:03:42 -0500

alwaysacatch:

Firefly | This is the entire show in one perfect sentence.

phroyd: sakuraxisxevil: grantaire-put-that-bottle-down: sellyo...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:02:01 -0500

phroyd:

sakuraxisxevil:

grantaire-put-that-bottle-down:

sellyourselfshort:

As creepy as it may be for the owner when cats come home with dead animals/insects, you cannot get mad at them. In fact, praise them, tell them thank you. Because when a cat kills an animal for you, it means they love you, and are eternally grateful for the life you’ve given them. It’s the most honorable thing you could possibly receive from your kitty.

Cats are hardcore as fuck

like

“I love you so much I killed this for you”

Cats are yanderes.

Kitty Brings A Gift

life

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 21:57:51 -0500

and all it’s wonders

thefireinyourheart: Beautiful ink…

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 08:22:36 -0500

thefireinyourheart:

Beautiful ink…

"This will all fall down like everything else that was This too shall pass and all of the words we..."

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:52:10 -0500

“

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can’t take back

Now every fool in town wouldve left by now
I can’t replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face - can’t help thinkin

Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me
Heres what Im thinking

It wont be the first - heart that you break
It wont be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - wont take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world

Tell me one more time
How you’re sorry about the way
This all went down - you needed to find your space

You needed to still be friends
Needed me to
Call you if I ever couldnt keep it all together you’d comfort me
Tell me but forever
And the promises I never should have believed in
Heres what Im thinking

It wont be the first - heart that you break
It wont be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - wont take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world

Its over now - and Ive gone without
Cuz you’re everybody elses girl
It seems to me - you’ll always be
Everyone elses girl
Everyone elses girl

This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And all the words we said
We can’t take back

It wont be the first - heart that you break
It wont be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - wont take you back
If you were the last…

It wont be the first - heart that you break
It wont be the last - beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked - wont take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world

The last beautiful girl in the world
You are the last beautiful girl in the world
Beautiful girl

”

- Rob Thomas

Photo

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:48:10 -0500

Broken

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:47:57 -0500

For the record I will taken a broken heart over broken trust. I have put my humpty dumpty heart back together before, but all the queens horses and all the queens hems haven’t the trust to mend again.

Photo

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:43:09 -0500

bluepueblo: Snow Sunset, Eshton, England photo via lanticuaria

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:25:55 -0500

bluepueblo:

Snow Sunset, Eshton, England

photo via lanticuaria

Photo

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:24:35 -0500

"… There are people who cannot be held quietly. There are screams that are never externalized. If I..."

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:22:10 -0500

““…

There are people who cannot be held quietly. There are screams
that are never externalized. If I looked at the photo albums of your
past twenty years, all I would find are decibel meter graphs of
phone calls and the intensity of your silence as you sat
smoking cigarettes in the garage.

Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, scientists
have finally proven.

All it does is make you that much more aware of how many
feet it takes to walk a mile.

There is a shipwreck between your ribs. You are a box with
fragile written on it, and so many people have not handled you
with care.

And for the first time, I understand that I will never know
how to apologize for being
one of them.

”

- “What It Took To Understand,” Shinji Moon (via commovente)

Wow. This

(via skinnyjames)

Haddaway

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 20:11:07 -0500

spooninthesauce:

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. I always liked that song

The question still remains. What is love.? There can be no one definition. I love my kids differently than I love my parents.. My wife different than my siblings.

However I believe this rings true

What is love with no passion, laughter, intimacy, minimal understanding, empty empathy, and consistently inaccurate communication?

A fucking tragedy.

So there’s that.

Smartphone?

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:45:56 -0500

Bye bye smartphone buy buy me a better life…

Photo

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:13:47 -0500